I'm HESITANT TO WRITE

Apathy?? Let's find out!

I've been hesitant to write and even share lately, it's not that I don't have what to write, I have a lot of drafts and ready to go posts but non of them feel right for one or two reasons. It's either not relatable to me anymore or I just don't like it or... It's too open and I would feel too seen.

I've also been a bit apathetic to a lot of things in a low-key way, in a 'i don't really send' way. I'm more indifferent about things and sometimes can't be bothered. I am aware that I'm feeling these things and I know when I feel them - social interactions, having more than surface level conversations or just because (no particular reason)

I honestly don't know what to do with it but I'm pushing through to come out of it.

I've also been feeling low on motivation and I don't really want to show up for anything. It's like I do know that I need to show up and eventually, I think I do but not as well as I should. Heck, I even wrote about it but I didn't post it😅

I've registered for online classes and conferences that I haven't started or gone for. Maybe this will be a leading up post for what I will end up posting - the thing about showing up.

I also think that lately, alot has been in my face especially in terms of content and information and it's making me tired. I should take a break from overconsumption. It's funny how I also have a post about it.

I noticed that my writing keeps me accountable in a way, so I can't really abuse drugs because of AMR neither can I slack off because of I HAVE AN ITCH or consume too much and not do better because of OVERCONSUMPTION.

Maybe that's why I stopped writing or posting, because the accountability is more and I have to keep to it... Sighs

I still gotta do what I gotta do

I'd still show up. I will do the do

I think that's how they say it right?

Though I'm still telling my self " I will show up"

Anyways, look out for my next post, I was hesitant to post because I wasn't sure about what I wrote sef, it just came off my head. It's called THE PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD. It's about willing and doing, about showing up for yourself first and then others. I just remembered, there's another one again - THE TIE AND DYE EFFECT

Well. Now I'd have to pull them from my drafts and post them

Here's to accountability and showing up even when it's hard and bleh. I would have done cheers with glasses but no,

let's eat cake 🧁